lily B photography

six weeks ago today, our family welcomed eliot pearl hardin. those of you who follow me on facebook have no doubt seen photos of our new addition. but, it’s long past time that i posted here.

i have been enjoying my maternity leave immensely. i feel beyond blessed to have birthed a second daughter who arrived healthy and, seemingly, happy. eliot has made our family complete.

although personal, i wanted to share a bit of the letter that i wrote to eliot remembering her birth. after all, photography is a personal business isn’t it? and, i am a photographer. thus, personal is my business.

dearest eliot,

i can’t begin to tell you the story of your birth without first telling you a little bit about how you came to be. it’s too soon to go into the birds and the bees with you. so, don’t worry, i’m not gonna go there. what i want you to know is this – you were so wanted skinny legs. so wanted and so loved from the very beginning. here is a little note i wrote to you on the day i discovered i was pregnant.

dear eliot.

today, i found out that you existed. i am still in a state of disbelief. i can’t believe that you exist. i really can’t. it will take me some time to process this news. for now, let me say that i love you already in a very vague and indeterminate sort of way. but, i know that i will love you with my whole heart soon enough. it will be an all-consuming love. a love so big that my heart will barely contain it. i can’t wait.

best of luck to you little zygote.

mommy.

here is something else you should know – mommy is usually right. i do love you with my whole heart. the minute i saw your face i was overcome with emotion. with love. with hope. with humility. but, i am getting ahead of myself.

at some point during my pregnancy, i knew that you would be born via cesarian section. i tried for a “natural, un-medicated, birth” with your sister. but, that didn’t work out so well for me. when the doctors (multiple doctors) suggested a c-section, i was right there with them.

you were born on april 5, 2012.

that morning, i woke up, showered and dressed. i made pancake mix for your grammie. (grammie stayed with us and helped with lillian – one day you should ask her about why i had to make pancake mix. it’s a funny story.) i made sure that i had everything i needed for the hospital. i didn’t eat or drink (it wasn’t allowed), but i did think a lot about that forbidden breakfast and coffee. i texted a few people, including sally brewer, my friend and fellow photographer, who had agreed to photograph your birth. i gave grammie many instructions on caring for lillian (none of which she needed. but, i was nervous). then, daddy and i were on our way to the hospital.

at 10:00am, i checked in. i changed into a gown and socks (totally stylin) and answered a lot of crazy questions. i was hooked up to various devices and readied for your birth. i was nervous. what would the surgery be like? would i be one of the unfortunates who had a difficult recovery? would you be okay? would i love you right away or would it take some time?

there was no need to worry. my little friend, the moment i saw you i loved you. i knew that you were coming. i felt a slight tugging. i heard you start to cry and knew that you were out. when they held you over that sheet, and i saw your tiny face, i fell in love. you had arrived. and, i loved you. my heart felt so big and so full. and, in that moment, i felt complete.

i didn’t get to see them weigh you. but, your daddy did. he went with you over to the warmer and watched them take care of you. i wanted to see everything, but i couldn’t. i suffered a crazy side-effect that made my shoulder cramp and couldn’t look to the side that they had you on. but, that was okay. you were here. and, before i knew it, your daddy held you close to me. i could see your tiny profile. your dark hair. your puffy cheeks. you were so red! you looked so healthy. i felt so blessed that you were mine.

in recovery i was able to finally hold you. i put your skin against my skin and closed my eyes and breathed you in. because, eliot, your mommy has come to realize something. each day, each minute, is precious, especially those minutes spent with your children. you won’t be my baby for long. and, i know that. i plan to try and savor every minute of your little baby life. those first few days (and even now), i couldn’t get enough of you. i marveled at your little hands and feet (with their long fingers and toes). i stroked your soft skin. i admired your beautiful dark hair. eliot – the baby of the world! (ask your sister about that some time).

your sister and grammie came to meet you the afternoon you were born. i was still in recovery, but, as luck would have it, the doc came to check on me and let them back as well (i was only supposed to have one guest at a time with me in the recovery room – but, i had four!). the look on your sister’s face when she saw the two of us was absolutely priceless. i will never forget it. sally photographed your meeting, and i will treasure those images always. the love in the room was overwhelming.

sweet eliot. you are darling. your birth brought you into a family that adores you (and adores each other). i can’t put into words the emotion i felt when you were born other than to say that i have never felt closer to God, to my family, to myself. you complete me. you complete our family. i can’t wait to watch you grow but am enjoying every minute of your newness.

i love you skinny legs.

mommy

my friend and fellow photographer, sally brewer of sally brewer photography, documented eliot’s birth. the gift she gave us in these photographs can never be repaid as far as i am concerned. some of the most precious moments of my life are captured here. enjoy.

from the beginning of this journey, i planned to have at least one decent maternity photo of myself taken. oh, i had high hopes for documenting this pregnancy in photographs month to month. maybe i would even put together a little time-lapse video thingy? yeah, right. that didn’t happen. but, one decent maternity photo – totally within the realm of possibility. right?!

every week, i would tell myself that this week was the week it would get done. then, i would put it off. last week, i couldn’t make excuses any longer. the end is near, after all. so, we headed out to a local park to get my one good shot.

i had it all planned out. i knew what i wanted it to look like and feel like. in my head, it would go so smoothly. all things would fall into place and magic would happen. the light would be just right and the location divine. my two year old would totally get right on board with my plans. my husband could be counted on to take a beautiful photo (even though i haven’t let him touch a camera in two years). you see where this is headed….

i will save you from the long story and tell you the short one – things didn’t go as planned. but, once i was able to step back and get some perspective (the kind that humbles you in the face of all the happiness and luck you have that you very well might not deserve), all was not lost. the evening was a wonderful one. just the three of us, walking around in the park – laughing and loving.

and, my husband handled the camera pretty well after all…